I was wondering why people keep telling me I look like Wednesday Addams recently and I thought it was just because I’ve been wearing a lot of braids lately but then I remembered that Christina Ricci played Wednesday Addams and like a zillion people used to tell me I look like Christina Ricci so ahhh it all makes sense
(Also I think that might be a good sign re: my weight loss being visible? Because no one ever told me I looked like CR while I was at my heaviest weight, but I used to get it all the time when I was thinner)
ly romantic feelings for a woman in my life. I've never wanted to date a woman or had a crush on one. I've thought maybe that I'm suppressing it or something, but I doubt it. Basically, I fall in love with men, but mostly want to have sex with women. Hetero romantic homosexual. I think I could probably have sex with men and enjoy it, but women turn me on significantly more. So I don't really know how I'll ever be satisfied in a relationship. uggggggh. heeeeelp.
So, I didn’t get the first part of this, but I think I get the gist.
I’ve actually felt like this at certain times in my life, and in my case it was because I had so little experience (i.e. none) with The Penis that I found the whole idea of it somewhat repellent and it didn’t enter into my sexual desires or fantasies at all, so those all became focused on women (or men who mysteriously had no use for their penises in my silly fantasies). I don’t know if that’s the case for you but it’s something to think about, I guess.
All I can really say is that sexuality changes throughout life for a lot of people, so what you feel now is unlikely to go on forever. When you’re really attracted to someone, it’ll usually be both sexual and romantic, even if you’ve never had those feelings for someone of that gender before. People can surprise you. Your own attractions can surprise you.
I would also add that if you ever do decide to have sex with a woman, and she’s a woman for whom your feelings are purely sexual as you’ve described, then you should disclose that to her. Tell her about your tentative heteroromantic/homosexual identity. Let her decide whether or not she’s okay with sleeping with someone who feels that way. She may not be, but it’s better to be open about it than to use someone for sex under false pretenses.
Best of luck in figuring your shit out, babe. I have faith that you can do it, because I was the most confused person in the world and I managed to do it!
I find it really strange that when you’re in a long distance friendship or relationship all you want to do is see that person and being around them is the biggest most wonderful deal but there are people who interact with them all the time, on the street and in the classroom and in the shops and it always makes me jealous because you want to be with this person so much and for everyone else they’re nothing special but for you they’re everything special
“Let’s examine a traditionally male-dominated role that is very well-respected, and well-paid, in many parts of the world — that of a doctor. In the UK, it is listed as one of the top ten lucrative careers, and the average annual income of a family doctor in the US is well into six figures. It also confers on you significant social status, and a common stereotype in Asian communities is of parents encouraging their children to become doctors.
One of my lecturers at university once presented us with this thought exercise: why are doctors so highly paid, and so well-respected? Our answers were predictable. Because they save lives, their skills are extremely important, and it takes years and years of education to become one. All sound, logical reasons. But these traits that doctors possess are universal. So why is it, she asked, that doctors in Russia are so lowly paid? Making less than £7,500 a year, it is one of the lowest paid professions in Russia, and poorly respected at that. Why is this?
The answer is crushingly, breathtakingly simple. In Russia, the majority of doctors are women. Here’s a quote from Carol Schmidt, a geriatric nurse practitioner who toured medical facilities in Moscow: “Their status and pay are more like our blue-collar workers, even though they require about the same amount of training as the American doctor… medical practice is stereotyped as a caring vocation ‘naturally suited‘ to women, [which puts it at] a second-class level in the Soviet psyche.”
Congrats on the successful weight loss! You look fantastic. I've been working on it as well, dropping about 11 lbs so far, along with toning up, and damn, it feels fucking amazing. Keep it up, lady! - Jay
I’ve had a couple people tell me I should consider becoming a life coach (?!) but I’m always like, I have enough anxiety about figuring out what to do with my OWN life; I don’t need the added terror of bossing other people around.
Even when I was working at a youth helpline, at which we weren’t allowed to give explicit instructions but only suggestions, I always felt nervous I’d suggest the wrong thing.
Sofie and I are down for this lipstick challenge and I think we’ve finally ironed out the format. We were originally going to post a selfie a day, but that’s not quality content, and it had the potential to get real disorganized, real fast.
I’m thinking that we should aim for wearing lipstick five days out of each week - and post the results each Monday. Sofie and I may have expansive lipstick collections but we’re going to give our wallets a rest and purchase some textbooks instead of new tubes. So, Lipstick Lundi will be temporarily replaced by #LBTLipstickChallenge round-ups.
I’m modeling it after a series on Joanna Goddard’s blog. Sofie and I want to explore why we’re hesitant to wear some colours and keep reaching for others. A lot of that has to do with what’s deemed appropriate. A jaunty pink lip? Acceptable. Dark, almost-black purple in a 10 A.M. lecture? Frowned upon. We’re going to ignore those conventions, because we’re always telling our audience to forget the haters.
Will you try it with us? Go through your collection and wear a couple - share the results with us by using the tag at the top of the post.
Hey I always see storms with rocks and read your posts and faladarlings about these rocks but I don't get them? How do they help with writing? Please fill me in!!
I think you’re talking about crystals? Some people think they have mystical powers that attract certain energies into your life and help with certain things. Some people think the effect is psychosomatic and that crystals and other tokens and talismans have a kind of placebo effect on the minds of those who believe in them. Some people think it’s all a bunch of hokum. Me, I believe in a certain degree of magic and in anything that can trick my brain into doing a better job, so I keep crystals on my desk in addition to doing other magical things like writing gratitude lists, visualizing what I want, keeping vision boards, etc.
Ordered some writerly crystals to keep on my desk (carnelian, tiger eye, sodalite, chalcedony, rhodochrosite, jade, kyanite). Now I just need a little dish or bowl or something to keep them in. Mmmmmagic
Earlier today, I served as the “young woman’s voice” in a panel of local experts at a Girl Scouts speaking event. One question for the panel was something to the effect of, "Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?"
I was surprised when the first panelist answered the question as if it were about cyberbullying. The adult audience nodded sagely as she spoke about the importance of protecting children online.
I reached for the microphone next. I said, “As far as reading your child’s texts or logging into their social media profiles, I would say 99.9% of the time, do not do that.”
Looks of total shock answered me. I actually saw heads jerk back in surprise. Even some of my fellow panelists blinked.
Everyone stared as I explained that going behind a child’s back in such a way severs the bond of trust with the parent. When I said, “This is the most effective way to ensure that your child never tells you anything,” it was like I’d delivered a revelation.
It’s easy to talk about the disconnect between the old and the young, but I don’t think I’d ever been so slapped in the face by the reality of it. It was clear that for most of the parents I spoke to, the idea of such actions as a violation had never occurred to them at all.
It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people.
Apparently people are rediscovering this post somehow and I think that’s pretty cool! Having experienced similar violations of trust in my youth, this is an important issue to me, so I want to add my personal story:
Around age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me “not to joke about things like that.” I stopped telling my mother when I felt depressed.
Around age 15, I caught my mother reading my diary. She confessed that any time she saw me write in my diary, she would sneak into my room and read it, because I only wrote when I was upset. I stopped keeping a diary.
Around age 18, I had an emotional breakdown while on vacation because I didn’t want to go to college. I ended up seeing a therapist for - surprise surprise - depression.
Around age 21, I spoke on this panel with my mother in the audience, and afterwards I mentioned the diary incident to her with respect to this particular Q&A. Her eyes welled up, and she said, “You know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?”
TL;DR: When you invade your child’s privacy, you communicate three things:
You do not respect their rights as an individual.
You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.
You probably haven’t been listening to them.
Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child.
This is so important. I love my parents and trust them NOW but it took me a looooong time to rebuild that feeling of trust after I discovered my mom had read my journal on several occasions, scoped out blogs I thought she didn’t know about, looked at my private photos, etc. when I was a young teen.
I've asked you questions about dealing with a friend that I believe has a sex addiction and alcohol addiction (at one point we were going to move in together). Last night she was incredibly drunk and started hysterically crying and told a group of 5 girlfriends & her mom that she was raped. I don't know what to do. I don't know if she'll even remember telling us. I feel like I should address to let her know that I'm here for her, but some people have been saying not to do that.
I’m not a great person to be asking for advice on this because a) I don’t know a lot about the psychology of rape victims and b) I, too, had a friend who was sexually abused and none of us really knew how to handle it other than being there to listen to her and encouraging her to seek therapy, which she did.
I think you should definitely talk to her about it and tell her you’re available for her to talk to if she wants. I think you should also encourage her to consider therapy or at least consider calling a phone line about it. There are distress centres and rape crisis centres and other centres along those lines that might be able to offer more useful counseling and advice to her.
You don’t need to pretend you didn’t hear her just because she was drunk and upset and might be embarrassed about her behavior. When you find out a friend is in trouble, you do your best to help them, even if they find it a bit embarrassing. That’s what I think, anyway.
If she freaks out and distances herself from you for a while when you bring it up, don’t take it personally. She’ll probably look back on you months or years later as one of the few people who reached out to her and tried to help her.
Fair enough! Well, I hope you are doing okay, stay positive! and you'll have school to focus on soon!
Thanks, babe! Yeah, it’s definitely a good time for this to have happened – not only because school will take my mind off it but also because I genuinely wouldn’t have time to be dating someone during the crazy-busy semester I’m about to have.
I kinda had a feeling it might be coming. Just noticed you weren't feeling monogamy at all
Yeah, but that’s nothing new. We had negotiated a compromise on that front, so that was okay. But you’re right, if and when I date again, I will be looking for someone who’s down with ethical non-monogamy in some form.
Why did you guys break up? Sorry if its too personal but ive been reading your blog for years and am surprised.
I just don’t really want to be in a relationship right now. It was nothing to do with him or anything he did. (I know people always say that, but in this case it’s actually true.) I don’t really feel like getting into more detail about specifically why, but yeah, basically I have just been feeling for a while that it’s not a great time for me to be in a relationship and I would be happier at the moment if I were single.
Quote from an important entry in my journal, November 4th, 2011:
I had a bit of a revelation tonight, at commencement, somewhere in between laughing at Mr. Carter’s quips, crying when Stefan so deservingly won the Alex Gillespie Friendship Award, and walking across the Rosedale aud stage to receive my fake diploma (a rolled-up poem) from the superintendent of schools, Beth Butcher.
The revelation came while I was watching the ASL interpreter who stood beside Mr. Sketchley, motioning out everything he said. At first, I thought about how I want to go to school to learn how to do that, maybe. Then I thought, well, I’ve never really done ASL, only been transfixed by occasionally watching someone do it, so what makes me think I’d want (or be able) to study it for 3+ years? Then I thought, I should really study something I KNOW I’m good at and I KNOW I’d enjoy, like writing… And then I thought: MAYBE I SHOULD GO TO JOURNALISM SCHOOL.
My goal is to lose 40 pounds total (so, another 23, since I’ve already lost 17) but I’m going to keep an eye on how I look and stop when I think I look how I want to look, whether that’s above or below my initial goal.
(I’m referring to my Twitter feed in order to write this because it’s weirdly the most complete record I have of my life these days)
-Got straight A’s for the first time in my university career.
-Interviewed for a dream job of mine. Didn’t get it, but I am definitely reapplying next summer because a) I wannnnt the job and b) they told me I made a great impression on them and they were sorry they could only pick one candidate.
-Started a weight loss journey on May 2nd. Have lost ~17 pounds so far.
-Saw a bunch of amazing theatre (Of Human Bondage, Angels in America, Company, Glenn).
-Recorded a Magnetic Fields cover for a lovely lady’s wedding at her request.
-Vomited on public transit for the first time, after a night of raucous lunacy (a.k.a. tequila shots and part of a weed cookie).
-Saw Tegan and Sara play three times.
-Sat on a youth advisory committee for a Planned Parenthood project about technology, youth, and sexual health. Gave a presentation at a conference with the rest of the committee.
-Sold a lot more blog ads than I ever have before. It’s now the second-highest category from which I’ve received income this year so far (the first-highest being writing gigs).
-Got an iPad. Have been using it a lot for writing, editing photos, and dumb things like Netflix and Pinterest. It’s going to be extremely helpful once I go back to school.
-Traveled to Peterborough to spend a night with friends.
-Started work on a new album, with Max as my producer.
-Reworked my personal style concept into something more grown-up, sophisticated, classic and preppy.
-Made my magazine debut with a feature story on toxic sex toys in Herizons.
-Got published on xoJane.
-Robin Williams died. I don’t really have any words for this.
-For the first time ever in my academic career, acquired my own desk/workspace. LOVING IT.