Put a “Mental Health” folder on my iPhone’s home screen. Right now it just contains SAM (anxiety management) and Superbetter (recovery) but I’m hoping to add more; maybe a meditation app or something to help with deep breathing. Does anyone have any other suggestions for apps that might improve mental health in any way?
Things I can/should do to deal with the seasonal depression I'm currently struggling with:
-SAD lamp time each morning
-Run on the treadmill daily
-Go for long walks in a warm coat while listening to funny podcasts
-Cuddle my cat endlessly
-Masturbate more and have more sex
-Take vitamin D
-Get more sleep
-Eat more fruits and vegetables
-Read intriguing novels
-Consume less caffeine
-Do a daily gratitude list even when I don’t feel like it
-Do yoga or at least stretch daily
-Write in my journal
-Drink more water
Today, at about 5PM, I told Max that I hadn’t eaten anything today except for a couple of crackers, and he RAN into the kitchen and brought me a banana and forced me to eat it. He knows that I’m prone to low blood sugar and fainting when I don’t eat, and he was genuinely concerned about me even though I felt fine. I love him so much. He’s grown into an incredibly excellent young man and I feel very supported and loved by him every day.
Is it weird if I live in Toronto and we are kind of acquaintances (but not reeeealllly) and I've been following your online presence for a long time and I want to get you a Christmas gift because I came across something I think you'd really like?
That is not weird, that is super cute. Reveal yourself!!!!!
Currently, for my face, I’m using Mario Badescu products: the Enzyme Cleansing Gel and Seaweed Night Cream. The cleanser is quite gentle so it’s good for winter, and I can even use it with my Clarisonic without drying out or irritating my skin. The night cream is pretty heavy so I couldn’t use it during the summer without turning into an oily mess, but it’s PERFECT for winter – it’s packed full of hyaluronic acid so applying it over damp skin makes my skin positively lovely. It drinks it right up.
If I happen to wash my face during the day, I use CeraVe cream instead, because it’s lighter and better suited for daytime. In addition to those products, sometimes I will use these Stridex pads for chemical exfoliation, though I need to follow them up with a lot of moisturizer (after waiting an appropriate amount of time for the salicylic acid to do its magic) because they can be drying. I’m also thinking of incorporating Vaseline into my routine, applying it over top of moisturizer as an occlusive to lock in moisture.
Tom Daley literally said “Of course I still fancy girls, but right now I’m dating a guy”
for every tweet that acknowledged both men and women, or bisexuality, there were about six like the ones above
does anyone really think bisexual erasure isn’t a thing?
Ugh I’ve been getting so frustrated about this shit lately. Piper Chapman’s a “former lesbian,” Anne Heche “won’t make up her mind,” and I get misread as straight all the damn time. Recently I was re-watching season 2 of The O.C., which has a huge bisexuality storyline, and I don’t think I heard the word “bisexual” once. Media-makers, step up your game, we exist!
Part of my self-care this winter has been investing in things that will actually keep me warm through many winters to come (shearling-lined Bean boots and a down coat). I bought both of them at Black Friday/Cyber Monday prices so it wasn’t ridiculous but it was still more money than I’m accustomed to spending on clothes/accessories. But I kind of think, the money that I earn with my work is for me to spend, and I don’t have to hoard it, and I should spend it on things that will actually improve my life (which these things already have, noticeably) and not worry if it takes me a couple months to pay off my credit card bill.
I think we all have these ongoing problems in our lives that could probably be solved with a little intervention, whether financial or emotional or time-based or whatever, and I think if you’re able to solve these problems, it’s a very nice thing to do for yourself. Reorganizing your wardrobe, setting up a reading nook in your room, finding an extra blanket for your bed, filling your head with new music. Make your life more beautiful and comfortable in the ways that you can. Sometimes it’s a fair amount of work but your future self will feel grateful to your past self.
Also, another question, well more of a statement: somebody I know made a tweet about being sick of "feminists twisted views of equality." That just burns me up! Either a) he's judging an entire school of thought based on one bad apple's actions or b) he doesn't understand feminism. What do you think about this?
People who say things like this usually either a) don’t understand what feminism actually aims for, b) don’t understand that male privilege exists so a true equality movement needs to focus predominantly on women, c) have misconceptions about feminism based on bad interactions with someone who identifies as a feminist, or d) some combination of the above.
I think the male privilege thing is usually what causes this line of thinking though. They have not lived as women so they see their male problems as The Main Problems and have no frame of reference for other people whose oppression-based problems are worse.
I don't mean to sound like an idiot or anything but I'd like to understand the proper meaning of the term "queer" because I'm quite unclear. I was hoping you might be able to clarify please.
A lot of people use the term “queer” in a lot of different ways.
The most common way I hear it used in my spaces is as a blanket term for all sorts of different non-straight and non-standard identities. It can encompass people who are gay and lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, questioning, etc., and many people also take it to include asexuals and/or trans people and/or people with non-standard gender identities (genderqueer, agender, two-spirited, and so on). In this way, it’s sort of like a shorthand for the increasingly long acronyms used to represent the non-straight/non-cis community (LGBTTIQQ2SA).
It’s a word with a tense history because it has traditionally been used as an anti-gay slur, but has been reappropriated by many folks as a more positive term, like how some lesbians refer to themselves as dykes. (With any term like this, it’s generally a good idea to wait until you hear someone call themselves that word before you call them it, if at all, just incase it’s something that bothers them.)
I am not interested in associating with people who have feelings of animosity toward an entire gender. Sorry, that’s not justifiable. I have women in my life and I have men in my life and I have people of other genders or no gender in my life and I will not tolerate on people hatin’ on them because of the gender they happen to have.
One interesting thing I learned in my sexual psychology class is that rapists and pedophiles are significantly more likely than non-rapists/pedophiles to have suffered a head injury as children, indicating that in some cases, these behaviors/urges are caused by poor brain development in some areas.
Hello there! I am in the ukulele market. I live in downtown Toronto and haven't got a whole ton of money to spend, and as you seem to know quite a bit about both Toronto and ukuleles, I was wondering if you'd mind pointing me in the right direction? T'would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much. :)
Trot down to Long & McQuade and try out some ukes! They’ve got some by Kala, which is considered a decent brand. (Link)
Here is a comment that some mansplaining douchebag left on one of my outfit photos in 2008:
"I am so happy that the cowboy boots are gone, that I can accept most any other choice. It was becoming a bit too much. You need to go for a bit more glamour! You have a beautiful face, take advantage, and work on makeup instead of the color of your scarf."
(He’s referencing the fact that I loved my cowboy boots when I was 15 and wore them all the time.)
It honestly makes me so angry when people (almost always straight cis men) think that my body and appearance is for their consumption, and should therefore be tailored to their tastes.
I DRESS FOR MYSELF. If I wanted to please others with what I wear, I would ask what they prefer. But I don’t do that because I actually don’t care in the slightest.
I literally don’t understand people who say they “don’t hate gays” and “aren’t homophobic” but don’t want gay people to have equal rights.
Sorry, but whether or not you choose to openly say that you hate gay people and are a homophobe, that is the case. If you believed that they’re people, you’d believe they are worthy of all the rights you have, period.
Stealing this idea from Ellie. I usually set myself a goal of reading 24 books each year (2 per month) and so far I’ve read 23. There’s still almost a whole month left, though! Here’s what I’ve read in 2013 so far…
1. Dry by Augusten Burroughs
I like Augusten’s writing. I’ve read several of his books and I enjoy his sense of humor and simple storytelling, not to mention his extremely fucked-up life stories that may or may not be true. This one is about his journey through rehab, which was interesting to read after having read so many stories of his in which he references his seemingly neverending alcoholic period. Slightly more serious than his typical work, but not by much.
2. Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
Read it for my Fairytales and Fantasies class. Loved the whimsy and weirdness of it, naturally.
3. The Narrative of Cabeza de Vaca by Álvar Núñez Cabeza de Vaca
Read it for my Intro to Nonfiction class. The story itself was interesting (and true!), and I enjoyed it a little more after we analyzed it in class, but I didn’t think it was written very well (Cabeza de Vaca wasn’t a writer, after all) and it didn’t really draw me in.
4. Matilda by Roald Dahl
Read for the aforementioned fantasy class. Beautiful story, well told. We ended up going to see the musical adaptation later in the year too, which was cool.
5. American Born Chinese by Gene Luen Yang
Also read for my fantasy class. Great graphic novel about racism and the agony of youth, basically.
6. Winnie-the-Pooh by A. A. Milne
Did an essay on this book for my fantasy class. The essay was about innocence, which is basically what Pooh is all about.
7. A Wolf at the Table by Augusten Burroughs
I don’t remember much of this one. It didn’t make as much of an impression on me as Augusten’s other books, perhaps because it’s quite serious and I tend to like him for his humor. It did offer an interesting view into sociopath psychology from someone who’s witnessed it, though (assuming Augusten’s dad is really a sociopath as he claims).
8. Awake and Dreaming by Kit Pearson
Another fantasy class reading. It was cool to read a fantasy story set in my home country, but other than that, I don’t remember much about this story.
9. Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant
A short read about self-love. We could all use an extra dose of self-love!
10. An Intimate Life by Cheryl T. Cohen Greene
A memoir about a life doing sex surrogacy work. Interesting reading for sex nerds.
11. A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard (TW: rape)
I have a love-hate relationship with stories about women being abducted, held captive, and raped. They fascinate me weirdly but they also horrify me (of course) and give me nightmares. Ms. Dugard’s bravery is commendable and her book is honest and open-hearted, but not for fraidy-cats or those who are triggered by sexual abuse stuff.
12. Looking for Alaska by John Green
I wouldn’t mind reading more John Green novels in the future, as this is exactly the kind of stuff I loved when I was a starving-hearted preteen wishing for my perfect, smart, affectionate boyfriend. This book reeked of Manic Pixie Dream Girl and I’ve heard all his other work does as well, and while I don’t agree with that shit, it still makes for a fun read.
13. Changing the Channel by Michael Masterson
Had to read this for my summer internship. It’s about marketing. Most of the info is somewhat dated because technology moves so fast. Really had to force myself through it.
14. The Stripper’s Guide to Looking Great Naked by Jennifer Axen
The title is misleading because it’s actually based on interviews with strippers, not real-life stripping experience on the part of the author. Contained some great tips (including what to do if you have to strip while you’re on your period – fascinating) but mostly it’s stuff you could find on the internet.
15. The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff
A good read for the rare subset of people who a) hold vaguely Buddhist or Taoist spiritual beliefs and b) are diehard Winnie-the-Pooh fans.
16. Ecstasy is Necessary by Barbara Carrellas
I would love to read more books about the intersection between sex and spirituality. This was a great intro and it also has a small section on how to have a breath-and-energy orgasm (which I haven’t been able to achieve yet!).
17. Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs
Uhhhh I can’t really remember anything from this, but I gather I must have liked it because I like Augusten and am currently reading another of his many books.
18. Instruments of Pleasure by Rachel Kramer Bussel
A disappointingly short, but juicy and exciting erotica anthology in which every story features some kind of sex toy.
19. The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-Spot by Violet Blue
While I adore Violet Blue, I don’t feel like I really learned anything new from this book.
20. Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There by Lewis Carroll
Carroll stories are always a whimsical delight and this was no exception. In the new year I’m hoping to read a Carroll biography.
21. The Introvert’s Way by Sophia Dembling
Started reading it to find a good quote for my feature story on the social needs of introverts; finished reading it because I found it immensely affirming and it actually provided good solutions to problems faced by people like me. Wonderful.
22. Blood, Marriage, Wine, & Glitter by S. Bear Bergman
I will read anything Bear writes. His ruminations on queerness, family, gender, and love are always a treat.
23. The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman
I’m not sure how I feel about Neil’s writing. It’s quite sparse and simple in some ways, even when the stories themselves are almost too complex and strange for me to understand. I might try another of his books, but I didn’t love this one.
Damn girl, the cunnilingus point on your list is on mine too. I just don't feel comfortable performing oral sex on someone if they aren't willing to reciprocate. Even for those who don't enjoy it, I think the willingness should be there anyways imho
There was a question on AskWomen today about what your top 5, non-negotiable dealbreakers are in a romantic partner. Here are mine:
-abusive in any way (emotional, physical, sexual, etc.)
-bigoted (homophobic, biphobic, transphobic, sexist, racist, sizeist, etc.)
-doesn’t enjoy performing cunnilingus
-sex-negative in any way (disapproves of sex toys, female promiscuity, any act between consenting adults, etc.)
-not as smart as me
women smh. they like different things and have different interests. why do some women like a thing and other women not like it? so difficult to understand. so confusing and hypocritical when one woman says one thing and another woman says another thing that disagrees. almost as if women are not a hivemind but are human beings just like men. ugh
lolol I see this shit all the time as a mod at AskWomen… Sometimes a dude will make a post like, “Why do women give conflicting opinions about x? What’s the real truth?” or “Why do you lie about penis size not being important when some women say that it does matter?” I always try to calmly explain that women are individuals, just like men, so what appears to be a “conflict” is actually just a variation among people. One of my favorite ways to do this: “If I asked you what the best ice cream flavor was, and you said chocolate, but I said vanilla, that wouldn’t be a conflict or a contradiction - it would be a difference in opinion, because we are both different people.” Ugh. Some folks are so dumb.
Since it is now, officially, the holiday season, the Salvation Army buckets are gonna be going out soon and reminder that they are extremely anti-LGBT*PQIA+ so the red buckets and bell-ringing Santas can go fuck themselves.
but also don’t be personally rude to the bell ringing santas they’re often volunteers and they probably don’t know about the politics of the organization
Self-care act of the day: bought myself a pricey*, almost-knee-length, down-filled, rated-to-negative-43-degrees-Celsius, faux-fur-hooded coat, after feeling for weeks like my thrifted winter coat from grade 10 wasn’t quite cutting it anymore.
Can’t wait to ACTUALLY BE WARM. I am never warm!!
*I got it at a Black Friday sale price, to be fair.
psa: feminazi is a fucking disgusting term that compares fighting for women’s rights to genocide.
it was coined by rush limbaugh (that alone should be enough to make you stay far far away from it)
it is a racist term, and it is disrespectful to marginalized groups who suffered in nazi germany (so jews, rroma, lgbt folks, people with disabilities, etc.)
do not use it.
if you disagree with feminists: do not use it
if you are a feminist: do not reclaim it
agreed. not a helpful term. what we mean by “nazi” nowadays has shifted and changed in certain contexts, and context is everything. but re: “feminazi”…it’s just too easy a way to dismiss radical feminists while generalizing and meanly insulting, which is, as far as I’m concerned, always a backwards step.
I automatically assume someone is a bigoted idiot if they choose to appropriate things like THE FUCKING HOLOCAUST to make a point. It’s disgusting and offensive on multiple levels.
it’s hard 2 be sad about ur body when you think of it as a landscape. you don’t criticise a mountain for being too big, or a valley for being too winding, and no one ever complains about the vastness of the sea. u are part of the earth and u are so beautiful friends.