It is never, ever, ever okay to tell your girlfriend that you have a problem with her weight.
(FYI, for those who will wonder, this has nothing to do with Damian. He looooves my curves & is quite vocal about it. I’m speaking of unluckier girls who have had to deal with bullshit from their manz.)
You may think “honesty is the best policy” in this case, but it isn’t really. Tact would be more appropriate, or, I don’t know, deciding to date someone else who you ARE attracted to. (Trust me, if your girl thinks you detest her body, she’s not going to feel at home in the relationship anymore anyway.)
You may think you’re just being nice by worrying about her “health,” but if she were concerned about it, she’d be doing something about it. (Not to mention, there are FAR nicer ways to subtly get her to exercise & be healthier - such as planning & executing a romantic date involving a big healthy dinner & a brisk walk around town.)
You may think she won’t care, but she will, even if she never says it out loud. Women are systematically indoctrinated to believe that our bodies are the only part of us that’s worth anything - so when you tell your girl you don’t like her body (in any words, not just in those words), what she’s hearing is that you find her 100% unattractive & that she is essentially worthless.
Honestly, do us all a favor - if you’re that unhappy with your girl’s body, that you feel the need to sabotage the relationship & ruin her long-term confidence just so she’ll (maybe) do something about it, you’d be better off ending the relationship & going someplace else.
The person you’re with should be someone you’re wildly attracted to on all levels. If the physical level gets in the way of the emotional level that much for you, you should take some time off dating & sort that shit out so you don’t scar any ladies in future.
Do you get the reference when I say to you, "Good night, inkernet?"
When I was a kid, my first major exposure to internet personalities, podcasts, swearing, intriguing storytelling, & offbeat senses of humor came from The Dawn & Drew Show. I really need to get back into listening to them.
(“Good night inkernet” is Dawn’s signature sign-off, FYI. Or at least it was when I was listening to them, back in 2004…?)
stupid/annoying frequently received comments on my YouTube music videos
Them: You should write your own original songs instead of just doing covers. Me: I’ve written dozens upon dozens upon dozens of original songs. Is it really that difficult for you to click the button that takes you to my profile?
Them: I didn’t like this, it was too different from the original. Me: That’s the point. There’s no use in covering a song if it’s completely identical to the original version.
Them: I don’t think you got the [piano/guitar/ukulele] part right. Me: Well, considering that the original song doesn’t actually have [piano/guitar/ukulele] on it, there’s no way for me to get it “right.”
Them: Will you make a tutorial for this? Me: Sure, here it is! Them: I can’t see the keys, you played too fast, you played it wrong, your technique is bad, & you’re ugly. Me: Thanks, I’m glad you’re so appreciative that I made you a tutorial.
Them: I hate when people cover songs by [artist]. Me: Then why are you looking them up on YouTube, watching them, & sticking around long enough to comment on them?
Them: You should sing it with more emotion, more vibrato, more riffs, simpler chords, fewer rests, faster, louder, & closer to the camera. Me: Wow, it sounds like you know what you’re looking for. Maybe you should just do it yourself. I already did my version, & it’s right here.
Them: Where did you get the sheet music for this? Me: I didn’t. It doesn’t exist. Look up the song on the multitude of chords sites on the internet, or just develop your ear to the point where you can transcribe songs.
Them: You should make an album! I would totally buy it! Me: I’ve released several albums on my Bandcamp page, to which there is a link in the video description & on my profile. (This is always invariably followed by them not buying any of my music.)
Them: You got some of the lyrics wrong. Me: I reeeeally don’t give a fuck. You went out of your way to tell me that?
Them: You should get a better camera/microphone/ukulele/piano. Me: The link to my Amazon wishlist is in my profile; feel free to buy me one.
This last one is an actual exchange between a commenter & I, copy-&-pasted as is… Them: Only reason I kept watching was hoping for a nipple slip. One star. Me: I am a musician, not a stripper. Also, I’m a minor. Nice work, idiot.
It’s located at happygrateful.tumblr.com & I will be using it for my upcoming 30-day gratitude intensive & as a stream of all things making me happy.
To ensure that it’s read by only people who care enough about me & know me well enough for me to feel comfortable with them reading it, it’s password protected & the password is the name of my first girlfriend.
“This is the most simple concept in the universe: appreciating what is, versus focusing on what isn’t. That simple shift, from noticing & wishing things were different, to appreciating what is, changes EVERYTHING. It changes the way you see yourself, it changes your path, it changes the way people interact with you.”—Halcyon Styn
things I love about my boyfriend right now (because I haven't seen him in a few days & he's coming over soon & I'm excited)
-silly voices he does to make me laugh
-the way he smells
-endless enthusiasm for making me feel good
-teaches me to cook
-sweet naughty texts
-loves my curvy body
-loves The Office + Daria + Louis Theroux shows & watches them with me
-cheers me up when I’m sad
-gives good massages
-when I was upset, told me I should journal
-comes to my shows & supports me
-goes on late-night expeditions to the 24-hour grocery store with me
-gets along well with my other friends & family
-holds my hand
I've spent the past hour researching things that might help my PMS, & here's what I came up with (incase it might help you too):
-If applicable, consider switching to a different birth control formulation that has less progestin in it. (Progestin is typically the culprit for emotional side effects of HBC.)
-If not already, start taking supplements of calcium, vitamin D, magnesium, Omega-3, & vitamin B6. (Gala Darling recommends raw chocolate for magnesium, & turkey, fish & chicken for B6. I recommend a SAD lamp for vitamin D!)
-Yogi makes a tea called Woman’s Moon Cycle (hahaha) which is supposed to be good, as is their Cold Season Sampler. (I would also argue that the act of preparing tea, & then the act of sitting still & sipping a hot beverage for a few minutes, is in itself very soothing.)
-Get in at least 30 minutes of exercise a day during troublesome times (i.e. probably the premenstrual week). This webpage even has recommendations for specific yoga poses that might ease menstrual symptoms.
-Something I always recommend to people who are going through emotional turmoil, for whatever reason: journal about what you’re feeling, writing down every single detail of every single thought & emotion until you’ve spilled out every drop of problem. Optionally, follow this up with a nap.
-Speaking of naps, get more sleep. & drink more water. These things are basic but they work.
(Strongly considering looking into getting a copper IUD placed, because this hormonal birth control shit is not super compatible with my body & brain… but looking at the pros & cons of each option, it often seems that HBC is the best way to go right now.)
-Mentioning someone’s ethnicity if it’s not relevant. If you’re telling your friend a story about the black guy who sat next to you on the bus or the Spanish lady who works at your bank, you don’t need to make their ethnicities a part of those stories… unless, of course, that information is actually critical to the sense of the story.
-Negative mornings. The way you begin your day sets the tone for the rest of it, so make your mornings as pleasant & positive as you possibly can. Start getting up earlier, if that helps. Shop for breakfast foods that you love. Listen to rad music while getting dressed. Do whatever you can.
-Working until you’re miserable. If you’re working so hard that you feel like punching someone in the face, it’s time for a break. Go elsewhere, reaffirm your ability to be happy, do something lovely that engages your inner child & doesn’t use much brainpower, & then return to your work once you’ve re-aligned yourself with goodness.
-Debating which demographics have the highest sex drives. If you still hold an archaic belief that women don’t want or like sex, you need to update your conception of sexuality as a whole. Men aren’t always hornier; young people aren’t always hornier; people with high sex drives are hornier! That could be anyone.
-Using religion as an excuse to do, say, & feel bad things. Isn’t the point of religion to bring people together & to uplift people? Why are you letting your supposedly love-fuelled beliefs boss you into hating certain groups, avoiding certain pleasures, or constantly guilting yourself?
-The myth of self-approval being a bad thing. Haterz gonna hate, but if you devote yourself to self-love & improving your self-esteem & someone accuses you of being “conceited” or “self-centered” for doing so, kick that person out of your life. If they don’t understand that your self-confidence would benefit them too, they don’t need to be around you.
-Food guilt. Allow yourself to eat what you crave. For most people, that doesn’t consist solely of chocolate cake & potato chips, despite what the weight loss industry would have us believe. Absurdly enough, our bodies do know what they need, so let your body decide what you feed it & stop suppressing its pleas.
-Emotional walls. At any given time in your life, there should be at least three people with whom you would feel comfortable discussing your deepest fears, fondest wishes, & innermost feelings. Communicate. Trying to live life without expressing yourself is like trying to eat a steak that’s sealed in plastic - difficult, unsatisfying, & not very fun.
Today Steve Pavlina tweeted, "What do you feel is important but never gets your full dedication? What if you make it your top priority for 30 days?"
I immediately thought, I should do that for gratitude & spirituality.
-to feel the feeling of gratitude/appreciation every day
-to significantly lessen resistance & negative emotions
-to specify what I want & ask the universe for it
-do an “I’m so grateful…”/”I love…”/”wouldn’t it be nice…” journal entry every day, preferably in the morning
-every day, choose a desire & spend 5 minutes vividly visualizing & feeling it in meditation
-get into “the vortex” at least once a day, by way of writing, exercising, dancing, singing, creating, &/or any other method that works
-when something is bring up negative emotions, redirect focus elsewhere OR make a list of positive aspects of whatever’s causing the problem
“If you are ever in a situation where it is obvious your partner is not enjoying the sex you’re having—stop having sex with them. Sex is supposed to be really fucking enjoyable, so if you’re not getting that vibe from whoever you’re having sex with, you gotta sort that shit out.”—Katie West
One day I want to get really drunk & then do a Q&A live on UStream.
Seriously, how fun would that be?!
Sometimes I receive Formspring questions that would really be best answered through video… I’ve often thought maybe I should answer some of them via Vimeo but I’m not sure if people would actually be interested in that.
Although, I did just get a question about hairstyles that requires a video demonstration! Yay! (Coming soon.)
Favourite song on The Con? I can never choose between Soil, Soil, Like O Like H, and Call it Off.
The one I’ve loved most steadily since the album came out is definitely Burn Your Life Down (& it has the highest playcount on my last.fm). I feel like it’s impossible to choose one favorite, though - you have to choose a favorite Sara song & a favorite Tegan song, because their styles are so different!
So, by that rationale, BYLD is definitely my favorite Sara song on The Con, & my favorite Tegan song is Soil, Soil I guess (though Call It Off was “my song” with my first girlfriend, which makes it tough to choose!).
Just wrote a pretty rad article about an asexual teenager for my journalism portfolio.
Feeling really really good today. Maybe it’s because the internet is abuzz with thanksgiving messages; maybe it’s because I’ve been watching Halcyon & Robin Williams videos all day; maybe it’s because I get to see my improv team perform tonight… I don’t know. But it’s nice.
I had nothing to do today. Guilt stormed my ribcage like armed forces from some fucked future. I curled up in front of the television with a drink that gave me a funny buzzy feeling (much like the lovey-dovey movie I watched). It was enough to make the day pass.
Kensington Market is the best place to go for vintage cashmere sweaters in any color you can imagine. Slap down some cash on the shop counter and you can walk home with a little piece of classic glamour wrapped up in a plastic bag, just for you. Easy, floaty, warm.
Sometimes entire days disappear into the endless fog of my inaccessible memory, never to be called back to the forefront of my consciousness. Hours-long stretches melt into puddles of color and emotion. Someone told me hypnotists can help anything resurface because our brains retain absolutely everything; I’m not so sure.
It’s strange talking to a woman who has known me since before my birth, but has scarcely seen me since. As whom does she view me: a squalling infant in my mother’s arms, or a brazen young lady struggling for independence? It’s impossible to know and I’m afraid to ask.
“Worrying about what other people think means you don’t love yourself enough to trust your inner guidance. If you are concerned people will think you’re foolish for choosing thoughts that feel good, then it’s only because you think you are foolish. And if you think you’re being foolish for choosing to feel good over feeling bad, then you’re not loving yourself – because following what you know feels good to you is how you love yourself.”—On why you don’t have to feel self-conscious about being positive, by lifeblogger Jessica Mullen. (via deborahliz)
-when cute people stand too close to me
-taking an action I know will make me feel so much better, even though I’ve been putting it off for ages (& having it make me feel so much better!)
-deconstructing negative emotions in my journal until they evaporate from having their nonsensicality exposed
-working on my journalism portfolio
-when epiphanies float into my brain while I’m walking or showering or doing other thoughtless “flow” activities (lesson: if you’re stuck, go for a walk & just listen to your thoughts)
-Rosedale, always, forever
-the kids on my improv team, in all their unique, diverse, crazy, unpredictable glory
-answering Alligator Pear e-mails at 1AM because I enjoy my job
-giant racks of vintage cashmere sweaters organized by color (oh Courage My Love, you outdo yourself every time I visit you)
-collaborations with Kathleen
-recurring fantasies & appearances of the perfect red sequinned dress I want to attract into my life in time for the holidays
-a girls’ day out with my mom & Franelle
-Baileys & eggnog
-setting up opportunities to go see theatre all by myself, just because I want to & I can afford it & Toronto has good theatre discounts for youth
-planning next week, which is going to be rad
-Abraham-Hicks (I heard tonight that Jerry Hicks has died, so I’m gonna pull out my A-H books & soak up some wisdom to honor him!)
“I find no issue in choosing & crafting a reality that makes a world that you enjoy living in. In fact, I think that seeking out evidence of that (making gratitude lists, keeping track of things in the world that are beautiful, or when things go right for you)… In that process, you will start to create, just by where you put your attention, a world that is much more pleasant & beautiful & loving. That’s a choice.”—Halcyon Styn
“Whatever you believe, you will find evidence for it… So knowing that, why would you be so attached to beliefs that make you unhappy? Actually, I know why: it’s because you don’t think the beliefs are a choice; you think that these are facts, & that’s the way the world is… but that’s not true at all… It’s not a truth, it’s the way you perceive it right now.”—Halcyon Styn
“I’m always puzzled when people [debate against positive ideas], on a website especially, because… if you haven’t checked in lately, the internet has gotten quite large, & filled with all sorts of perspectives! So, if you spend more than 10 seconds engaging in a belief system that you don’t believe, or you disagree with, & you don’t go ‘Huh, I’m gonna go elsewhere, & go to a place that I resonate…’ If it doesn’t resonate with you, if it tastes funny, spit it out!”—Halcyon Styn in his brilliant new video about gratitude
Question: how do you get over someone completely? I'll use my own example: months ago something happened with someone I liked but didn't work out. I was upsted in the beginning, but not now, I'm over it and don't like him anymore. Don't see him either. But my mind -+ out of inertia, I'm guessing - keeps going back there whenever I'm thinking about the romantic aspect of my life. It's easy, it's comfortable, it's something available to fall back on. How do I erase that fall back completely?
Honestly, I think the only ways are either to make romance much less important to you, or to find someone new.
"Making romance much less important to you" can take on many different forms, though. I often find it helpful to throw myself into a big creative project or to spend a lot of time with friends when I’m trying to get over someone. Any way you can find to distract yourself & focus on the good will work wonders if kept up for even a week or two.
It doesn’t sound like you’re in emotional turmoil over him, so don’t stress about it. You can use him like a blueprint for your future lovers when you do manifestation rituals, visualizations, make lists of qualities, etc. as long as you’re not focusing on him specifically as the object of your desire. (Combine him with characteristics that Darren Criss has, for example!)
Also, if you haven’t already, it might be helpful to exhaustively write out every single thing you like(d) about him, & every single memorable interaction you had with him, just to unload it all from your mind, & then maybe write some kind of conclusive statement, giving yourself permission to let go of him & move on. (If it helps, you can throw away, burn, tear up, or otherwise dispose of these pages when they’re done.)
Monday: improv practice. Tuesday: lunchtime improv show, sex & disability workshop. Wednesday: guidance appointment, improv practice. Thursday: working on my journalism portfolio. Friday: first volunteering shift. Saturday & Sunday: probably boyfriend time.
Things I hope to get done next week:
-either apply to J-schools or at least get information about how to do so
-interview Damian for an article
-interview my mom for an article
-write a piece about the Rosedale improv community, using the interviews I did with Andy, Ella & Mitch
-learn how to use the phones & computer system at my volunteering location
-brainstorm possible 2012 goals & resolutions
-finish up Christmas shopping
Good. I'm glad you've thought about it so much. It sounds like you also had a bit of social anxiety though.
I did, but that’s nothing new for me - I can handle being the awkward introvert in a new social situation. What I can’t handle is the feeling that I’m working towards something I don’t really care about.
invasive question: aren't you scared that going to university again will just result in a repeat of what happened the first time? especially since you're going to the same university.
Well, I haven’t even applied to any schools yet, let alone been accepted or decided to choose Ryerson over the other programs I’ll be applying to. But no, I’m not worried. Last time I freaked out because a) I don’t know how useful a general humanities degree would ultimately be & b) I realized I needed some time off school to get my head together. After spending a LOT of time thinking about it, I’ve decided I want to study journalism/communications, so I’m making a much more informed choice & I’ll be getting an education that has much more practical applications for me.
I'm working on stuff for my journalism portfolio and I think I just wrote my first music review. I have no idea what I'm doing. Comments & critiques would be appreciated.
JEREMY LARSON - THEY REAPPEAR: 8.5/10
It’s hard to know what to expect when listening to a new Jeremy Larson album for the first time. His self-titled debut, finessed by a short-lived record label contract and attempt at mainstream success, overflows with quirky tunes about the sun and mathematics, sung in a youthful tenor. His sophomore release, Salvation Club, boasts a more carved-out low-key indie vibe in its mild-mannered love songs. The EP he released under his side project Fort Christmas, Feathers, is a collection of chipper, Beach Boys-esque infatuation anthems. But Larson’s latest album, They Reappear, is a different animal entirely.
Reappear opens idyllically, sounding like a piece of fluff mellowly floating on a meadow breeze - but a hint of darkness leaks in as Larson’s conversational lyrics unfold. “Just smile and hold onto me,” he suggests; “we’ll make our final descent.” As with much of his music, a religion-tinged interpretation is unavoidable. Themes of heaven and hell are reprised throughout the album, most notably in Bedside Manner, in which the song’s narrator recounts the bizarre story of spending many an hour holding vigil by Satan’s deathbed.
Larson’s lyrics are typically plain - his songs are simple stories of love and death phrased in layman’s speak. His orchestrations, however, are anything but plain. A stellar multi-instrumentalist, he plays every track of every instrument on every song, with the exception of drums on a few cuts. A look through his blog during the production of They Reappear reveals that he taught himself to play the violin so he could create the full, orchestral sound that features heavily on this album - but it’s impossible to detect that he’s a beginner. Piano, cello and violin parts weave effortlessly in and out of one another throughout the album, creating sweet and mournful harmonies.
A high point of the 48-minute album is an all-instrumental track called Circadian Cues. Its title gives a clue as to the insomnia-esque restlessness it contains. A cello moans helplessly while the piano commiserates. It’s pared-down and lovely and strangely hypnotic.
While Reappear is certainly no lyrical masterpiece, it seems to have done what Larson set out to do with it. It plays like the soundtrack of some epic film about death, guilt, nostalgia, and loss. The songs’ stories are mysterious and intertwined. “Everyone turned around as the man in the crowd whispered ‘Oh my god, I can’t believe they’ve done it,’” sings Larson on the exquisite track Stirring, and he might as well be singing about his own remarkable album.