You don't have to post this or anything! But I just wanted to say that your music, especially from 2008 holds some crazy nostalgia for me. I was just finding myself that year and I have a lot of good memories associated with a lot of your songs. I was listening to some oldies on Youtube and it was so nice to be welcomed with a rush of happy feelings. You're a really rad lady and I hope your heart stays full and content.
Aw, that makes me so happy! Thank you!
I agree, 2008 was a cool period in my music. I was in a weird relationship-type-thing but kept developing intense crushes on other people, & was feeling really conflicted all the time. I was also really happy & inspired. :D
When I kiss my boyfriend in public, two worries run through my mind:
1. Am I depressing someone by doing this? I remember what it’s like to be single. I remember that when I was in a good mood, seeing a cute couple on the subway or in line at Starbucks made me smile & feel hopeful for my romantic future - but when I was unhappy, or had recently been scorned, the same scenarios pushed me out even further into the sea of loneliness.
2. I am experiencing straight privilege. If I were kissing a girl instead, I would worry constantly about the sudden appearance of homophobes. I’ve dated girls before, I might date girls again; I can’t un-acknowledge the existence of heterosexual privilege, & my strange good fortune of being able to “pass” as straight, with my femmey gender presentation & tall masculine boyfriend.
The thing is, though… I don’t think it’s my job to worry about these things. I think lonely people have the responsibility of finding ways to make themselves feel less lonely, & homophobes have the responsibility of updating their beliefs or at least refraining from making outspoken judgments about lives that do not affect them.
I will do my best to kiss my boyfriend without guilt, because that’s something that makes me happy & the world needs more happiness - but this agreement relies on the willingness of others to gently adjust their own natural reactions to my actions.
Something that really helped me when I was going through some bad shit:
Take a marker or pen.
Choose a part of your body that you can see when you’re clothed, but that you can cover up if you want to (like your forearm).
Write “THIS TOO SHALL PASS” on your skin.
Every time you notice the words, make a point to take a deep breath & be really aware of what those words mean.
You can even visualize what life will look like when “this” has “passed,” if that helps you.
Sometimes it’s hard to move past these huge bad things, but this is something that has helped me several times, as simple as it is.
Wear what makes you feel strong!
Move (run, yoga, take a walk)
Do your best to eat what makes you feel good when you are hungry
Spend time with friends
Be present, mindful, and aware of how you feel, especially
Tune into your emotions and your needs– do self-empathy
Gratitude and celebration
Here’s my things to do, not necessarily daily:
Take an aimless walk
Do nothing for an hour
I have 3 15-page papers due within the next two weeks. Advice?
Take structured breaks every hour, find some good music that motivates you to write, & reward yourself at the end. That’s pretty much all I’ve ever done when writing essays. It’s slow-going but it works.
-winter drinks: cold eggnog or chocolate milk with Baileys
-Shara Word/My Brightest Diamond
-my volunteer training group
-carrot cake with pink cream cheese icing
-my talented, kind, loving family
-intense, vivid dreams
-sadomasochistic short stories
-Tarina Tarantino heart necklaces
-giving myself way more time than I need to complete a given project
-finding people I know on OkCupid
-plotting my journalism portfolio pieces
-singing with Robyn
-reading my friends’ Twitter favorites
-the instrumental version of Jeremy Larson’s They Reappear
-black leggings all the time
-long hot baths
-cappuccino frozen yogurt at Focaccia
-hugs from people I admire
-Emma, stating something she appreciates about me (paraphrased): “Your introvert power! You keep to yourself, & you don’t talk much, but when you do talk, it’s because you have something valuable to say.” ♥
I'm still writing a 50-word story every day in November...
Some of them are inappropriate or private, but here are some recent ones that I feel comfortable sharing…
The five-minute relationship. That moment where a boundary is crossed when no boundaries have been defined. A name is called or a gesture is made. And suddenly your hidden ideas are dragged out from their musty crawlspaces and someone shines an industrial-strength lamp on them. They shrivel when scrutinized. Ouch.
We’ve been together for eight months today. That’s not a big landmark, nor does it merit special celebration. It’s enough just to kiss your handsome face and hear you say, “I’m so in love, and I fall more deeply every day.” (However, I still think you should buy me dinner.)
I believe in the law of attraction, that we get what most hope for or worry about, depending on our optimism quotient. So what does it mean that a speck of dust made me cry off all my makeup, just in time for you to see my red, tearstained face?
This morning, in a sleep addled with melancholy folk-pop, I gently dreamed I asked you out and you said yes. Even in my subconscious vision, I knew this was wrong and would have dire consequences for me. But you laughed at my jokes and I was sad to wake up.
I feel like yelling at the team members with shitty attendance, but of course, they aren’t here to hear me. I’d just be yelling at the team members with excellent (or at least passable) attendance, who are THERE, of course, so obviously they know the importance of attendance. Oy vey.
Gathered tightly around traditions of gift-unwrapping and song-singing, we activate points of humor in one another that have gone neglected for long stretches of time. Guitars are strummed, paintings are admired, hands are held, and smiles exchanged. We are, at long last, safe in the bubble of home and family.
Vince Guaraldi’s compositions always remind me of how you first slew my heart with a jumbled rendition of “Linus and Lucy.” I looked up from my lunch and let you right into my reptile brain. You invaded my senses with Charlie Brown piano riffs over sandwiches, juiceboxes and carrot sticks.
Spending nights curled up on the couch with you is obscenely comforting, particularly when we’ve just gone on a late-night adventure to procure liqueur and you watched me buy alcohol for the first time. I get the feeling I’ll remember this years from now, when this memory seems adorably mundane.
These pills make my emotions spike in unexpected ways. I lash out at you in irritation when you say one silly thing wrong, and the next thing I know, I’m crying hysterically into your shirt, telling you I love you. Being a woman is hard; being you is sometimes harder.
You refuse to unblock? Or you can't unblock? And no, I can't because you blocked my IP address.
There’s no way to unblock someone on Formspring if I blocked them while they were being anonymous. Sorry, dude. I just assume that anyone who’s rude to me is someone I want to permanently remove from my life, which is why I auto-block anyone who insults me.
You can always ask me questions here if you want to.
I'm super bummed you blocked me on formspring man. I was one of your primary questioners on there. And I have all of these questions I've been asking you but I'm blocked so I guess they aren't going through. Sucks.
Sorry, man. I block people who are unnecessarily rude to me, & there’s no option to reverse it if they apologize. :\
If you feel like going to the trouble of making a new Formspring account, I think that’ll work.
-a collection of vintage cashmere sweaters (so far I have them in black, pink, light blue, dark blue, browny-purple, & red)
-a space heater for my room
-large quantities of water to re-hydrate me each day after being severely dehydrated by the aforementioned heater
-as many different types of tea as will fit on my kitchen counter
-a stack of books waiting to be read
-creative projects galore
-a good journal & a pen that works
-a soft, warm, loving person or animal to snuggle up to
-excellent soup, preferably homemade, preferably chicken noodle or butternut squash or split pea
-my mom’s egg casserole on Christmas morning
-good Christmas music
-warm scarves, hats & mittens
-my SAD lamp
-time for evening naps
“If you look towards something outside of yourself to feel good, when it is gone it will make you feel bad. The only peace can come from within, and that peace is just a straight up choice. Choose to feel good first, and the rest will work itself out.”—Jessica Mullen
I completely agree and resent my actions. The response I got from everyone else when expressing my frustration was usually a gasp and a wtf is wrong with her. So your advice sort of came out of left field for me. Now that I've had time to let it settle with me, I see that your advice was probably the most telling compared to the other advice. I mean I'm not saying you're omnicent or God or anything, but in this situation you indeed seem to be wise and correct:) have fun caroling!
I’m not big on coddling people. I think it’s important to be honest.
Kate, I wasn't trying to be rude. I was just trying to express myself. I'm sorry I was rude towards the end there...I guess the truth is hard to handle. I've had issues with the friend I talked to you about for years...we've been best friends since year 2 of elementary school. The truth hurts. But I see what you're saying now and plan to put your advice into action: find more socially conscious friends or educate my friend. I'm sorry if I offended you. Thank you for your advice and time. Best.
I wasn’t trying to be rude either, although it might have come off that way.
It’s uncalled for to blatantly insult someone who is civilly offering an opinion.
We all make our own choices, obviously, but don’t ask for advice if you don’t want it.
I really hope everything works out with your friend!
“Stop the trash talking. Or at least tone it down. A little trash is inevitable, but don’t make a habit of it. It creates disgusting energy—and it makes you look bad. Be generous and kind. People will notice.”—Ega Jones
things to do this holiday season (even if you don't celebrate the actual holidays)
1. Organize a caroling party. I did this in grade 10, & subsequently have gotten vehement requests to reprise it every single year - this December will be the 5th! We convene at my house, supply underdressed guests with scarves/mittens/hats, head out into the cold, & sing for strangers, collecting canned goods for charity from them all the while. When our frostbite-senses start tingling, we retreat back to my house for hot chocolate. Usually Kaiya & I sing some songs. It’s nice. & the Food Bank is always psyched to get our 3+ giant bags of canned goods in the morning!
2. Wear outfits consisting of entirely red & green (or whatever colors you perceive as “seasonal” - blue & white, perhaps to match the sky & the snow?) as often as possible. Be a sartorial weirdo & blame it on the season.
3. Drink (or invent) a seasonal beverage, whether it be hot apple cider, a Starbucks gingerbread latte, or a bunch of eggnog poured into your morning coffee.
4. Give gifts. If you can’t afford them, then make them, find them, or re-gift things you don’t need that someone else will appreciate. Give for the pleasure of giving. Find that perfect thing that a particular person will love, & make them happy with it.
5. Devote time to solitude, now that it’s cold enough that you can justify staying indoors when possible. Get started on ploughing through your to-read list; write poems & stories; cuddle up with a warm animal or blanket & allow yourself to dream. (& hey, if you think you might have seasonal affective disorder, get yo’ hands on a SAD lamp & spend some alone time with that bad boy!)
6. Reflect on your 2011 & plan your 2012 in whatever way makes sense to you. I like to do a year-end survey accompanied by a representative photo collage every year, but I also make lists of goals for the new year, & write them into the back of my new planner. You might prefer to meditate on your accomplishments & desires, or to have an animated rap session with your best friend about what comes next. Figure it out & get excited!
7. Watch holiday movies, if just for the fact that they’re cheesy & uplifting & fun to watch with friends & family. My personal favorite Christmastime films include It’s a Wonderful Life, Love Actually, & Home Alone.
9. Uphold (or start) a tradition. I try to learn a new Christmas song on the ukulele every year, usually one that has emotional significance to me that year. The aforementioned caroling party is also one of my major holiday traditions, as well as wearing a red & green outfit to see a production of A Christmas Carol & photographing my mother’s punch-making process as per her grandfather’s hand-me-downed punch recipe. What do you do every year? What would you like to start doing every year?
10. Enjoy the cold weather. Like me, you might be one of those people who groan when the first snowfall hits & would rather curl up with a book in front of a heater than walk around the block in December. Still - force yourself. Go out, look around, notice the beauty in your vicinity. Take someone cute with you, if you feel that a companion would lift your spirits. Appreciate that you’re only going to experience so many winters & so it’s best to enjoy them while they’re here.