kate sloan! you lovely being. so. i am kinda drunk, but i just want you to know you have been a huge influence in my life even though we've never actually spoken. sometimes i am jealous you are so okay with everything and sometimes i embrace that and work towards what you have. it's hard but you're a pretty big influence, and i hope your heart stays full and content. ps i would make out with you so hard.
Oh, darling! That’s so sweet.
So we’ve never actually spoken - would you like to change that? We should totally have a Skype chat sometime or something.
As always - I cannot recommend Lelo highly enough, especially if you are a newbie to the world of sex toys and/or want something high-quality that will last you a very long time.
One of the things I like best about Lelo is that they actually listen to the customer feedback they receive. A couple years ago, they put out a survey for their fans that basically asked, “What do you like about our existing products, and what could we change to improve them? What products would you like to see us make? What can we do to make Lelo a better brand for you?”
Some of the things I wrote in the survey included: make the controls less complicated; make a “rabbit-style” (dual stimulation) toy; make the vibrations stronger; make a lube; give us some classy apparel items in classic Lelo branding style to make the whole experience feel even classier.
And what did they do? They simplified their toys’ controls, made two different dual stimulation vibes (the Soraya and the Ina), amped up the motors on their toys, released a lube (along with a massage oil and a massage candle), and made some apparel items.
I suspect that they also received a lot of requests to produce waterproof toys because they released an entire line (Insignia) that’s totally waterproof. Awesome.
A couple months ago I sent you a question about losing my virginity (post/8250547517/im-very-much-in-love-with-my-boyfriend-were-both) and I just wanted to thank you SO much for your answer. My boyfriend and I gave each other our virginities in October, and it was a completely wonderful and positive experience. I really appreciate your support and advice in a time when I was pretty darn scared! You're lovely.
YAY! That’s so great! Congratulations, gurl. So proud of you for gathering up your courage & going for it.
I was actually hoping you’d contact me again because I wanted to tell you that I edited & finessed my answer to your question & it’s going to be one of the pieces I submit as part of my portfolio for journalism school. So, thank YOU, darlin’!
“Any woman who is seriously considering using dildos needs to be aware that she will most likely have a collection of favorites versus one special one. As a woman’s mood and needs change so will her dildo needs. While women often start out with one many soon find they have a drawer full of them. Some women prize their collections.”—this fantastic article I’m reading about female ejaculation
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Wore a moustache band-aid on my face; was high-fived by a drunken blonde elf-man; was propositioned for “no-strings-attached foreplay”; was written about in a magazine (Shameless); got super jealous about my friend’s success with OkCupid; delved into my personal psychology regarding my fear of relationships with men; performed in a beautiful quintet at my great-uncle’s Celebration of Life; had a sex dream about Jennifer Lopez; had my music featured on Radio Free Rosedale; was offered $100 for my panties (I did not respond); started making daily gratitude lists; had a sex dream about Raúl Esparza; got into Ryerson; started doing gratitude vlogs; was haunted by a book so much that I had to return it to the store; discovered (& obsessed over) Jeremy Larson; attended a Radical Self-Love webcast; stayed home from school due to a snow day; was interviewed for a short film on homophobia; performed at a magazine launch party; accompanied my friend on a treasure hunt laid out for her by a suitor; performed at the John Candy Box Theatre; saw a play that I hated; kissed someone who “reminds me of a much cuter, female, queer Ron Howard”; did a sociology presentation on savants; saw a production of Hamlet; attended the Bad Dog Theatre’s closing night; wrote a play; asked someone out on OkCupid; performed at an International Women’s Day event at the Toronto Women’s Bookstore; listened to a Cuban lullaby on loop for hours; recorded a sweet, sad song in a friend’s home studio; supported my mom through her breast cancer diagnosis & treatment; went on a fabulous first date at a tea shop; had a sinus infection; went to a business meeting with some hiphop dudes; took photos of a cat in a birthday hat; “made the first move” with a potential lover; got into a serious long-term relationship; actually enjoyed kissing; went to Snakes & Lattes; wrote a rap song; saw The Room; bossed someone into spooning with me; directed & performed in a staged reading of a play I wrote; spent a lot of time making out on my back deck in the dead of winter; was an innocent bystander when Ben punched a hole in a theatre wall & then left in a hurry; was portrayed in the form of pixel art; played ukulele in a play at Hart House; fell in love; hung out with the George Brown games club; arm-wrestled a girl I’d just met; ate Chinese food in a stranger’s kitchen; went on a breakfast date; took my boyfriend to a Passover seder; bought an Edward Cullen Barbie doll; kissed in the location of my first kiss 8 years previous; turned 19; got an iPhone; drank peach Schnapps; started taking birth control pills; recorded a whole album on my phone; was asked to coach the improv team; made out to the Unicorns; had a boy fall in love with me; dropped law class; saw the Nylons perform at Hugh’s Room; attended the Toronto Comics and Art Festival; met Richard Stevens; learned to play Fenceball; went to a game developers’ social; gave my mom several HTML lessons; got kissed in the middle of a smoky field filled with fireworks; played Strip Scrabble; skipped class to read Augusten Burroughs in a tea shop; made a list of talking points to help with a difficult conversation; read a book about menstruation; discovered that giving myself a haircut inexplicably cheers me up; made a zine for a lover; drank beer; graduated from high school; lost my health card & got it replaced; worked at an estate sale; opened for a vocally political, lesbian singer/songwriter at her album release show in a church; planned & attended an Anti-Prom; went to Stonewall TO; had glitter heaped onto me by an enthusiastic queerio; not-so-smoothly avoided my ex by running into a Starbucks; enrolled in university; earned entrance scholarships at every school I applied to; met Raúl Esparza; got a bank account; set up my own PayPal account; bought a laptop; bought a scanner; handed off my volunteer position at Genderfork to someone else; got an eBay account; made pesto pasta with my darling; flirted via Skype; started seriously thinking about moving away from home; accidentally broke Damian’s iPod and then went with him to get it replaced (for free!); started at university; decided to withdraw from university; started volunteering at a local LGBT organization; started running improv club/team at Rosedale; went on an impromptu late-night pumpkin pie mission; went to some internship interviews; accidentally filled the house with smoke while trying to make a pizza; played a 1960s-themed show; was filmed for a homemade talk show; ran into an old crush while holding hands with my love; modeled nude for a drawing; got a job as a remote receptionist for a catering company; performed at a baptism reception; developed a crush on a post-op transguy; commissioned an artwork from a friend; applied to journalism schools; tried marijuana; gave condoms as a present; did a gift exchange in Snakes & Lattes; did a Yankee Swap.
2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year I resolved: “more meditation & yoga” (didn’t really happen), “if something’s not working, change it” (almost always, yay!), “less computer time & more reading” (yup, though not by much), “more photography” (I think so?), “more water” (fo’ sho’) & “daily gratitude practices” (more like weekly, but still regular).
In the coming year, I’d like to continue to devote a lot of time to gratitude, & I’d like to seriously get on that “more meditation & yoga” thing. Oh, & respond with love. To everything. Even the tough stuff.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin Sacha and her partner Mark had a baby girl, Sienna.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
5. What countries did you visit?
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A job where I work more than 15 hours a week & make at least minimum wage. Honestly though, 2011 has been pretty awesome in terms of wish fulfillment.
7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory?
March 11 (first date with my love)
April 23 (birthday hijinks)
May 16 (scary awesome risktaking)
July 15 (bought my laptop)
September 9 (decided to take a gap year)
October 19 (started volunteer training)
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I went on a date with someone I’d never met before. I’d been scared to get into a serious relationship for a long time, because of my inexperience & how badly my previous relationships had gone, but I gathered my courage & did it anyway, & it was awesome.
I also made the totally jarring decision to take some time off before pursuing post-secondary education, & then started structuring my life around all that empty space it now held. I went on a job search, started volunteering, & threw myself into creative projects.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I shouldn’t have been afraid to acknowledge, to myself & to others, that I really didn’t want to go to university yet. It weighed on me for months & months & I shouldn’t have let it do that.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not that I can recall. Yay health!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
MY MACBOOK PRO. It makes everything magical. Also, the AppleCare plan that I bought to go with it, which allowed me to relax & stop worrying I might accidentally break the damn thing & have to pay for an expensive repair. My iPhone was also a terrific purchase but I didn’t buy it myself so it doesn’t count.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My family, & Damian. I needed support this year, & boy did I get it. Dames also deserves a special shout-out for dealing with my craziness when I’d have spells of reckless emotion.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Anonymous people from the internet who think it’s appropriate to insult someone in a time of emotional vulnerability. Fortunately, getting rid of them is as easy as clicking a Block button.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Laptop, books, subway fare, sushi, lattes.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Apple products, internship opportunities, creatively restructuring my life, DAMIAN DAMIAN DAMIAN.
16. What song/album will always remind you of 2011?
Anything & everything by Jeremy Larson/Fort Christmas, whom I listened to feverishly on repeat all year. Also, chiptunes, a genre of music I LOVE which was introduced to me by Damian. (I remember feeling so in love with him as we sat & listened to all the music from the Pokemon games together.)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? This is complicated. Last year I was more blissfully ignorant about the whole “real world” thing (getting a job, making important life decisions, etc.) but I also wasn’t madly in love with someone brilliant - so maybe it evens out. ii. thinner or fatter? Probably about the same. I don’t really weigh myself anymore, but my clothes fit fine & I feel good. iii. richer or poorer? Richer! I came into an inheritance this year & have been reasonably smart about what I’ve done with it. I also have two jobs now.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spending time with my ladyfriends. Particularly those who now go to university far away from me.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Pretending I was okay & excited about things I was really dreading. Artificiality never works!
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent it with my maternal extended family (& Damian), eating amazing food, listening to jazz carols, & opening a barrage of presents. Ahhh, I love them.
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Damian. He doesn’t like talking on the phone but he’ll do it for me.
22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
YES! I’ve been doing this survey for 6 years or so & this is the first time I’ve been able to answer yes to this question!
23. How many one night stands in this last year?
Haha, none. I’m soooo not interested in sex where the partner & I know nothing about one another… Boring!
24. What was your favourite TV programme?
The Office, Daria, anything involving Louis Theroux, briefly Cash Cab…
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Same exact answer as last year: “I don’t really ‘do’ hatred. There’s a couple of people I’m sort of estranged from now, but it had nothing to do with hatred; it was the right time for one or both of us to move on from those relationships.”
26. What was the best book you read? Best fiction books: Room (Emma Donoghue), Bad Behavior (Mary Gaitskill). Best nonfiction book: Sex At Dawn (Christopher Ryan). Best play: Angels In America, Part 2: Perestroika (Tony Kushner). Obviously.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
JEREMY LARSON. I also got pretty into Jessie J, Robot Science, Tomas Dvorak, & Ski Lift.
28. What did you want and get?
A devoted & wonderful lover who is also my best friend. My dream laptop. An opportunity to give back to the queer community. An improv coaching job. A part-time job I can do from home. A significant amount of money.
29. What did you want and not get?
A more definitive idea of my eventual career… Maybe next year!
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
In 2011, I saw 27 films I’d never seen before, but only 7 of them were actually released this year. Of those 7, The King’s Speech was the best. However, my favorite new-to-me movie that I saw all year was definitely Secretary.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 19. I had a fancy little dinner party with 5 close friends. We ate pasta & salad & tomato cake (I think?). My awesome friends gave me awesome presents. We played Scrabble.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I had given more thought to my post-secondary path & chosen a program that didn’t give me the sense that it would be totally useless. Or if I had just accepted sooner that I needed to take a year off.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Femme, curvy, sexy-yet-comfy. Lots of bright colors grounded by black pieces. Doc Martens erry day.
34. What kept you sane?
Damian, Eric, writing, drinking tons of water, talking to my supportive parents.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Jeremy Larson, I guess? He certainly figured most heavily on my “partner dreamz” vision board…
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Honestly, I didn’t pay much attention to politics this year - but my mind was on rape culture a lot. Particularly, how ridiculous it is that we tell women “don’t get raped” when we should be telling men “don’t rape people, for fuck’s sake.”
37. Who did you miss?
Eric & Cadence, whenever they were in Montreal/Halifax. But we always keep in touch so it’s not too too bad.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
You won’t get what you want if you don’t have the courage to ask for it.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“It’s useless to pretend you’re not in love with your best friend; on nights like these, it’s fairly evident.” (Fort Christmas - Story Telling)
I'm on this kick where all I want to do is support independent craftsters.
People who’ve worked hard to create their own high-quality, friendly brand. People who make rad stuff that only a minuscule fraction of the population will ever own or even hear about. People who take pride in bringing cool stuff to the world.
In the past couple months, I’ve bought handmade soap, mineral makeup, tea, pinback buttons, and earrings. It always feels so much better to buy a product when you know your money is supporting someone who actually needs the support, not just some corporate exec trying to keep up with his greed.
What are some of your favorite Etsy sellers, or other craftsters?
3. Organize exciting New Year’s Eve plans that involve staying up late and doing something significant at midnight. (My favorite: on NYE 2009, I stayed up all night with my then-boyfriend to watch the first sunrise of the year. We kissed as it started to snow. Très romantic.) Note: it’s also very important to have a stellar NYE outfit prepared - ideally something involving sequins and a warm coat.
4. Make concrete goals (not resolutions!). I usually make a big list of about 40 potential goals and then narrow it down to 10-20 that I really want to do. Then I separate them into categories (school, work, creativity, social, etc.) and write them somewhere where I’ll see them a lot, like the back page of my new planner (see below).
5. Make sure I have a new planner! I like the Moleskine ones that have a weekly layout on the left side of the page and a plain lined page on the right side. I like to set up my planner by denoting certain pages to make lists of books I read, movies I watch, etc. throughout the year. I also decorate it and make it pretty, since I’m going to be lugging it around for 12 months.
6. Make a list of intentions or “words to live by.” It’s helpful to paste these into a new notebook/planner like Gala does because then you’ll see them all the time. I’m pretty happy with the list of personal commandments I made at this time last year, so I probably won’t make many changes.
7. I like to write out a little month-by-month summary of how I’d like the next year to go. I write down the things I know will happen - like my birthday in April, and school in September - as well as plans I’d like to make but haven’t yet, like a trip to Montreal in March. It helps me gather my thoughts a little better.
toflobster:So when you see an attractive girl (or guy), is your thought process like, "Damn, I would so tear that shit up," or more like, "Damn, I'd fap to that bitch so hard." or is it just passive like, "Whatevs, I'm asexual, i don't need you"?
FoshOtter:My thought process is "Damn, I would like to take that girl back to my place for some snuggles and talking. Bitches love snuggles and talking."
“Men… won’t have their opinions weighed or dismissed solely on the basis of how sexy or attractive they are. The most common responses a woman can expect in an argument – especially online – is that she’s fat, ugly, single, jealous, a whore, or a lesbian – or any combination thereof – and therefore her opinion is irrelevant, regardless of it’s actual merits.”—"Nerds and Male Privilege"
Honestly, in my experience having a fair *ahem* number of partners—both cis-male and cis-female—I find that, unless you’re hanging out with a truly talented guy, sex with guys centers around The Penis. […]
Although people act like it’s a state secret or something, what two girls do together in bed is no mystery. We use our hands. We use our mouths.
Believe me, when two girls are having sex, they’re not thinking “What do I do next? There’s no dick!” They’re too busy having sex.
”—a RookieMag article on what it’s like to date another woman
-being there to support my friends
-the word “cunnilingual”
-Linus & Lucy
-helping queer youth
-wrapping gifts in gold holographic wrapping paper
-Anais & Wes
-delicious food & good company at Il Fornello
-celebrating our nine months at Japango
-photobooth adventures with my love
-watching TV with my mom
-Damian keeping my feet warm under his shirt
-Tru’s little face
-finding the perfect gifts for my friends
-meeting with Ms. Kim about my J-school portfolio
-“good morning, my love”
-being propositioned for a threesome (hahaha)
-Blossom Organics + Red Tent Sisters
-dream wedding fantasies
-yogurt with blueberries
"This is my body. It is MINE. I am not ashamed of it in any way. In fact, I love everything about it. Men find it attractive. Clothes look awesome on it. My brain rides around in it all day and comes up with funny jokes. Also, I don’t have to justify its awesomeness/attractiveness/healthiness/usefulness to anyone, because it is MINE. Not yours."
“Never date someone who makes you feel insane or needy or confused or stressed out. You don’t need that shit! You deserve someone who will make you feel blissfully cared-for every single second of every single day. And I have some good news for you– people like that exist! So dump the jerks. Right this instant.”—Ega Jones
You can make 2012 the best year of your life! And you can do it very easily, right now.
All you have to do is set the most powerful intention you can ever set in your life, which is that you will focus only on what you want, think only about what you want, and talk only about what you want. Decide right now that anytime you find yourself thinking or talking about what you don’t want, you will stop and demand of yourself, “What is it that I want?” And with all your might, with all your strength, with all your willpower - you will focus on what you want!
This one intention, repeated daily until the New Year and reinforced through 2012, will ensure that you make 2012 the year that your dreams came true, and the greatest year of your life!
“[on boys wanting sex while girls want romance] Why all these conflicting specifications? Maybe to prevent overpopulation. All I know is that all around the nation, the girls are crying, the boys are masturbating.”—Amanda Palmer, “Shores of California”