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a drunken summary of what happened tonight

i showed up early and walked around nervously

then i went to the apartment and buzzed up and was let in

a few people were going to be late so we sat around (clothed) eating and drinking and talking about TV shows and whatnot

when everyone showed up, we took our clothes off, and i felt completely okay with that - not a moment of reservation or nervousness as it was happening

i piled up my clothes in a corner and sat down cross-legged, naked, showing off everything, not caring that my body isn’t thin or conventionally pretty

not giving a shit that my ladyparts aren’t pornographic in nature

we talked about masturbation and sex and porn and being single and taking conscious breaks from sexuality

we talked about all sorts of things

we talked for a long long time and i felt comfortable even though i didn’t know a single person there when i sat down

i ate and drank a lot and laughed a lot and revealed a lot of personal information without caring

when we had covered all the topics, some sexy dancey music was put on the stereo

and we danced in front of a camera

each individually and then as a group

and i didn’t care if my dancing was dorky or if i looked silly

i just felt sexy and free and supremely belonging to myself completely

like all that mattered was being tipsy and naked and proud of my body

and i danced in front of the camera first before anyone else did, because i didn’t care and i felt wonderful

and then other ladies took their turn and i watched them and smiled and talked about experiences casually

when it was time to go, i put on my shoes and stumbled drunkenly into the street

and everyone said their goodbyes and i called my mom

and she was on her way home from a different party, in a cab, so she offered to come and get me

and through my stupor i tried to instruct her about where i was, and her cab driver managed to figure it out

and he took us home and now i’m sipping water trying to sober up and process tonight’s events

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