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Dear journalists,

Please don’t use words like “admitted” or “confessed” when referring to a celebrity who has come out as bi or gay/lesbian.

As a journalist, you are supposed to be impartial, which means you don’t get to editorialize the connotations of someone coming out.

In this day and age, perhaps they didn’t “admit” or “confess” their sexual orientation; perhaps they announced it, gleefully shouted it, got it off their chest, shared it, or just mentioned it.

Don’t attach shame to what deserves none.


It’s National Coming Out Day today…

…and so here’s my yearly announcement: I’m not straight.

I typically identify as “queer” because it’s a blanket term that encompasses the complexity of my not-always-static sexual orientation. However, you can use any of these other terms to describe me, if you want: bisexual, pansexual, Kinsey 2, heteroflexible.

I have straight-passing privilege, which means that I benefit from being frequently misidentified as straight, because of the way I look and the way my partner looks. Though this isn’t a privilege I’m happy about, there are lots of people who would envy me for it, so I have to acknowledge that I’m lucky to be straight-passing. It’s impossible to know how many times it has spared me from incidents of homophobia.

Wishing you the best of luck with any coming out you want or need to do, today or any other day.

2 things i’m thinking about today

it’s aggravating when bisexual/bicurious people say stuff like, “i think everyone’s sexuality is fluid.”
like, yes, i believe that most people’s sexuality is less black-and-white than they believe it to be – and there is indeed scientific evidence that female sexuality is significantly more fluid and omni-responsive than male sexuality is – but that doesn’t make it okay for me to impose those assumptions on others.
like, you’re bisexual. of course you’d feel like everyone else is, too. because you can’t imagine it being another way.
there are indeed people who are totally straight and totally gay and who will never have any desire to step outside of that. and that’s okay.

also today i was thinking about the fact that my weight/body size is riiiight in that grey area where people feel embarrassed about calling me “plus-size” or “fat,” because that’s not quite what i am (literally – the cut-off for “plus-size” is sometimes my size, 12, and sometimes it’s 14 or bigger) – but at the same time, when people say things like, “what are you talking about? you’re so thin!” i’m like… “why are you saying that? that’s clearly not true. and it’s not a bad thing.”

It’s not that complicated.



In a cissexist, essentialist, racist, etc. society, if you don’t seriously examine your sexual preferences, it is all but guaranteed that prejudice will slip in. Asking people to examine where their preferences come from to see if there’s unrecognized bigotry involved isn’t equatable to forcing them to sleep with someone.

(summary of a long Twitter exchange)

We could all benefit from interrogating the way internalized messages influence our romantic and sexual relationships the same way we interrogate how they influence our non-sexual relationships.

I think about this idea a lot, because I’m a bi femme who only ever seems to be attracted to women if they are androgynous or boyish in some way… I’ve often wondered if that’s due to societal conditioning or if that’s who I’m really attracted to.
IMG_9002 by NoCheesePlease-CapturingReality on Flickr.I love teh young gayz!

IMG_9002 by NoCheesePlease-CapturingReality on Flickr.

I love teh young gayz!

I think we just have to get rid of all sexual labels and say: I’m sexual. What is my sexual preference? Sex! Sex is my sexual preference.

—Betty Dodson



New Comic Day! Bisexuality fits pretty neatly into the LGBT acronym, but sometimes it still makes no sense to me.



New Comic Day! Bisexuality fits pretty neatly into the LGBT acronym, but sometimes it still makes no sense to me.


How is it that bisexual deniers still exist?!

Okay, I get that you find it difficult to imagine what it would be like to be attracted to both sexes, but that doesn’t mean NO ONE is. Idiots.

That’s EXACTLY like saying you don’t believe in leprosy or malaria because you’ve never actually seen someone who had it.


Shit Bisexuals Say!

Honestly, in my experience having a fair *ahem* number of partners—both cis-male and cis-female—I find that, unless you’re hanging out with a truly talented guy, sex with guys centers around The Penis. […]

Although people act like it’s a state secret or something, what two girls do together in bed is no mystery. We use our hands. We use our mouths.

Believe me, when two girls are having sex, they’re not thinking “What do I do next? There’s no dick!” They’re too busy having sex.

—a RookieMag article on what it’s like to date another woman