I don’t know how many times and in how many different ways I can say this, but a person who is resolutely anti-choice is not “for civil liberties.” Nor does he support “a humbler role for government,” as there is nothing humble about the government crawling up inside vaginas and planting flags of ownership.
Though the word may be occasionally used unfairly (for example, to describe a physically unattractive guy’s genuinely respectful attempt at striking up a conversation), “creepy” serves a vital function. No other word is as effective as describing when a man has crossed a woman’s boundary; no other word forces a man to reflect on how his behavior makes other people feel. A guy can disprove accusations of being weak by displaying strength (often in foolish ways.) But a guy can only disprove the charge of creepiness by fundamentally altering his behavior to be more genuinely respectful of women.
This, of course, is why some guys hate the word so much; it forces men to reflect carefully about how they make women feel. No wonder then that so many guys are campaigning against “creep-shaming.” After all, the sooner the term becomes socially unacceptable, the sooner men can get back to not having to think about women’s boundaries.
Hugo Schwyzer, “Why Guys Really Hate Being Called ‘Creepy’”
So, I joined a forum where women share creepy messages they’ve gotten on OkCupid, Facebook, via text, etc. and I knew I had some doozies, so I decided to have a look through my FB message history to find some to post.
I consider myself fairly lucky in that I am a) not conventionally attractive and b) somewhat authoritative/intimidating (according to some folks) so I’ve never been a major target of harassment from men seeking sex or intimacy. That’s not to say that it hasn’t happened – just that it seems to happen to me less often than it does to many of my female friends.
However, even though that’s true, it’s still shocking to look at all the ridiculous messages I’ve received over the past few years. Particularly those where I had the gall to tell off some guy for whatever appalling sexual comment he had made about me and he reacted by calling me a bitch, stupid, etc. This seems to happen just about every time I express any kind of opposition to creepy male attention.
Who are these guys? Why are their egos so swollen that they think they are entitled to favorable sexual attention from women, and when they don’t get it, they react like a 3-year-old? What person or experience has taught them that this is acceptable behavior?
If a woman says no to your unwanted advances, she’s not denying you a right that you’ve earned, she’s not being harsh or mean, she’s not being stupid – she’s protecting herself and exercising her right to make decisions about what she will and won’t tolerate in her life. These are behaviors which, in men, are lauded as intelligence and self-sufficiency, but in women, are called “bitchiness” or “frigidity.”
Ugh. Fuckin’ patriarchy.
lol @ some dude downvoting me for mentioning that women get sexually objectified way more than men do
wut, is that too many TRUE FACTS for you?
some guy made a comment on a message board that “male privilege doesn’t exist,” because he himself doesn’t feel he’s led a privileged life
and i left a comment saying basically, “actually yes, male privilege is a thing, regardless of what other privileges you do and don’t have, and if you can’t see it, it’s because you’ve been living it all your life”
and he replied, WITHOUT A TRACE OF IRONY, to snidely mock the fact that i have some cleavage in my profile picture
REALLY? you don’t have male privilege? okay then, who’s derailing your argument by calling attention to your appearance? oh, nobody? yeah, that’s what i thought.
When a sitting member of Congress says that giving women control over their bodies is equivalent to a terrorist act, equivalent to encroachments on liberty over which we’ve fought wars, that is a level of hostility toward women’s agency which would be considered hate speech in a decent country that took misogyny seriously.
Melissa McEwan on Mike Kelly’s ridiculous assertion that the new health insurance birth control mandate is an “attack on religious freedom” in the same way that 9/11 was a terrorist attack on the USA
What a woman wears does not make her responsible for someone else’s bullshit, sexist, and/or violent & criminal behavior.
Misty @ Shakesville
The very clever and conscientious Mark discusses the issue of trans men who use the T word.
And in other helpful stereotypes, all a person needs to do is fight really hard and they can stop rapes. ALSO GOOD TO KNOW! Wait, actually not good to know at all—just another dangerous myth of the rape culture, one which ignores the reality wherein those who “fight back” are likely to be framed as aggressors, and where those who choose not to resist as a survival strategy (or for whom physical resistance just isn’t feasible for whatever reason) are liars who really wanted it.
Aphra Behn, “Today in Misogyny: Geek Culture Edition”
…after threatening to do so multiple times over the past month, because it’s just crawling with misogyny and homophobia.
For a website that seems to pride itself on being progressive and open-minded, it really is anything but.
The final straw for me was a discussion I got into with a bunch of guys tonight about rape culture. They claimed it doesn’t exist; I told them it most certainly does. They asked for evidence; I said it’s difficult to prove rape culture to men because a) the evidence is mostly anecdotal and b) the vast majority of men will never encounter or feel the effects of rape culture anywhere near as much as they would if they were women. They accused me of being sexist.
I just don’t need this shit in my life. I believe in educating ignorant people so they can go on to lead productive lives without horribly offending people, but I refuse to do that at the expense of my mental and emotional well-being.
It’s a pity, because the /r/sex community is very interesting, but just as in real life, it doesn’t matter how awesome someone is; if they’re misogynistic and homophobic, I’m not inclined to be their friend.