there was a thread on reddit tonight asking women what interests/skills/talents they find instantly sexy in a man.
i said: playing a musical instrument/being interested in music, being a good writer, involvement in theatre and/or improv.
apparently people liked my comment because it got a lot of upvotes… but several people (men) commented to say some variation of, “your ideal man is gay.”
look, i don’t care how “funny” you think that is - it’s factually incorrect and it’s also disgusting to say that.
i went to an arts high school, and honestly? there weren’t even that many gay guys there. i don’t even think there was necessarily a higher proportion of male queerness at my school than there was in the real world, which i guess would be surprising to some people.
but it’s not surprising to me. an interest in the arts is not a “feminine” quality. humans are, as a rule, interested in the arts. that’s why the arts have survived this long in our collective culture.
i can honestly say that i see no correlation in my own life between guys who are gay and guys who are interested in the arts. my own boyfriend, who is the straightest guy i know, is a pixel artist, has a strong interest in music, and comes with me to improv shows regularly. my brother, who’s primarily straight, plays more than 4 different musical instruments, writes his own songs, and even takes theatre history classes at school. and there were a bunch of boys on the improv team i coached, and the teams i was a part of in high school, who were straight, as far as i’m aware (liam, sasa, nick, connor, stefan, alex) but are nonetheless brilliant improvisors and very much interested in that side of theatre. many of them even pursue theatre in other ways (i know nick, for example, was in summerworks last year, stefan is at actors’ college, and connor was considering going into theatre tech as a profession).
i think some straight guys accuse artsy guys of being gay because they’re jealous of that artsiness. and they have a right to be jealous of that, because artsy guys are incredibly sexy and desirable and interesting and wonderful. but not all of them are gay. in fact, maybe one-tenth of the guys i met in my theatre classes were even a little bit gay.
(plus, who the fuck cares if i want to date a guy who’s “a little bit gay” anyway? i’ve dated two bi guys and there really is no practical difference, incase any biphobic stereotypin’ motherfuckers are out there and are convinced that bi guys can’t be good boyfriends to ladies. they can.)
it bothers me when bisexual/pansexual/omnisexual people employ that incredibly tired cliché that goes something like, “i fall in love with people, not body parts.” or “i’m interested in who someone is, not what they are or what their anatomy is.”
because frankly - straight girls don’t fall in love with penises. lesbians aren’t chasing after vulvas. (for the most part, anyway.)
we ALL fall in love with people, not anatomy. just because you fall in love with people who happen to have a variety of anatomy, don’t think you are somehow less shallow. shallowness has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation.