Being ecstatic for no particular reason. A good cup of coffee, a pleasant interaction with an acquaintance, a going-absolutely-nowhere-but-that’s-okay kind of crush, a mind-clearing walk through the snow, a really excellent song… All of these things can add up to a perplexingly terrific mood.
“Keep singing.” Simple words that people say to me all the time, which usually don’t sink in. They make quite a mantra.
Hilarious internet creeps. No, I will not sell you my panties. No, I don’t want to be your “friend.” You still amuse me, though.
Coming up with solutions. There is a makeshift humidifier in my room right now. Proactivity feels rad.
Positive journaling exercises. “I am so grateful that…” “Wouldn’t it be nice if…” “Today I intend to…”
DayQuil. Hey, if you have to take cold-&-flu medication, it might as well be bright orange & make you feel like you’re partaking of shenanigans at a tricked-out house party in the 1970s.
-“wishful words” exercises (e.g. CAREER/JOB: fulfilling, creative, interesting, silly, relaxed, variety… RELATIONSHIP: comfortable, loving, playful, communicative, evolving… etc.)
-weird & delightful romantic dreams about the expected & the unexpected, the famous & the commonplace. (e.g. jim halpert; penn badgley; a boy who died 3 years ago; a boy i see all the time but would never, ever date.)
-remembering Jill. we all helped, & continue to help, each other get through this difficult time. family togetherness. having & holding a firm belief that death is just a reunion with the infinite love from whence we emerged.
-crisp, temperate autumn weather, & the associated masterpiece that is orange leaves against a blue sky.
-comforting traditions, like going for coffee with my improv team after practice (which usually leads to regurgitating sexual anecdotes & gossiping about other people’s improv skills).
-the little things: pine-scented shampoo; big bowls of buttered peas; cinnamon dolce lattes; having a deliciously full calendar; my bright lime green bra; late night incoherence; scathing, smart documentaries; british accents; heavy eyelids at the appropriate time…
-SCHOOL TOURS = performing incredibly goofy improv for children; pumping our fists in the air to the dance company’s numbers; groovin’ to the band’s songs; warming up in echoey hallways & sketchy back rooms; ending every show with a huge latin-jazz dance party; public transit adventures; hysterical effervescent laughter; everyone getting on the same bus & riding back to school together in a psyched-up daze.
-reframing an unrequited attraction so it goes from “source of neverending pain” to “source of neverending excitement & joy.” also known as: a crush feels good so focus on THAT & you’ll feel about a zillion times better.
-when i write in my journal late at night while really tired, & then reread it the next day to find silly exhaustion evidence like “tonight i watched sitcoms with my sitmom, hahaha.”
-anniversaries of legendary dates in my personal mythology. (there is a somewhat big one coming up on saturday. i will probably make a video to commemorate it.) it is immensely liberating to realize: this day last year, i was fucking miserable over something that seems incredibly small & insignificant now - therefore, nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
-the phrase “smashed in the arms of rapture,” which is from a shane koyczan poem. it really describes how i feel much of the time.